Good Afternoon friends!
DISCLAIMER: Mentions of sexual assault, sexual abuse, and child neglect.
So why waste time? Let’s just jump right back into it… As you may remember, the abuse ended when I got my bunk bed. Quick note on this bunk bed: it was sooooo cool. It wasn’t the usual two- bed situation; it has only one bed (on top) and underneath was drawers for storage and a desk space. I loved it so much. Really sucks that it was taken away from me only a few months later…
Even now, I still don’t know why it was taken away. I have wondered for years and friends and family believe that Bruce was the one that took it away. Pretty sure I don’t have to spell it out for y’all but basically, it was his only obstacle to get to me and continue his reign of molestation terrors. It makes a lot of sense but of course, there’s still a part of me that wonders if it’s not the reason. Hoping that it wasn’t all for malicious reasons… I try to always find the good in things, despite all the bad that has happened in my life… I guess that carries forward in this little detail about it all…
So yeah, the bunk bed was removed. Replaced with a normal bed again. So of course, after just DAYS of having this normal bed, his night terrors began all over again… I learned that if I stayed up super late at night by playing games all night or reading books so that when he opened the door, I could look at him and show that I was awake, so he wouldn’t come touch me. it worked for a few weeks but then of course, I was getting really sleep deprived. I ended up falling asleep one night… and something happened that… would stick with me for the rest of my life…
Instead of the usual feeling of his hands on me, I felt something else… in MY hands… it took me YEARS and I mean YEARS to realize what happened… He slowly pulled my left arm out from under the covers… and I woke up to something… soft and fleshy in my hand… as I’m sure you all can connect the dots, at 11 years old, I didn’t. I had no idea what it was… I still remember the day I realized what had happened that night. I was 16 years old, and I was dating this guy we will call Sam. He was my first time. It was during my first sexual experience that I realized that the feeling I felt in my hand that night… was his penis…
Over the next few years, a lot more of the usual stuff happened. Him coming in to touch my breasts for the next 2 to 3 years. We will circle back to the Sam story later this week. For now, I am going to finally confront my mother about what really happened with my bunk bed… We will get more into her story later on in this blog. Hopefully I will have a good update for y’all on the truth of the bunk bed case.
Rise Above,
Phoenix