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Inside the Mind of a Child

DISCLAIMER: Mentions of sexual assault, child abuse, and profanity.


Welcome back, friends! Really quick before we jump back into the story, I really appreciate you sticking around to read these and supporting me. I love you all so much.


So at about 10 years old, I was not sure what exactly was going on, all I knew is that I didn’t like it. His sneaking into my room at night went on for months and months. I because so used to it that time didn’t even exist anymore. It became routine… Eventually, I got to a point where I couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t know if I was just having a bad day or what but I was in a really angry mood. It was a normal night, I went to sleep around 9 PM and woke up around 2 AM to him touching me. Except this night was a little different. It had been going on for about a year at this point and I was tired of it. As soon as I woke up to his touch, I didn’t say a word at all, I just pulled my legs up and kicked him in the chest with all the force my 10-year-old legs could muster.


I didn’t have enough strength to move him an inch. He didn’t even budge when I kicked him. But he did get freaked out. He stepped back and looked at me with this angry yet confused expression. He yelled at me and asked, “What the hell are you doing?!”


“You were grabbing me, and I didn’t like it…” I said quietly.


“No, I wasn’t! Are you crazy?! I was just trying to tuck you in ‘cause the covers are off you.” He lied. Then he proceeded to pull my covers back over me and walked out. I remember crying myself to sleep that night, questioning if I really was crazy and that he wasn’t actually doing anything bad… This is where his manipulation began.


The next morning was completely normal and we never spoke of what happened. A few weeks went by and he wasn’t coming into my room anymore. I was grateful. I thought maybe kicking him actually stopped it! Boy oh boy was I wrong… after that week-long ‘pause’, I began to notice him coming into my room again. I would wake up to his hands on me but it wasn’t as often this time. He was being careful. Eventually, he increased his visits more and more until it was about every other day. I knew kicking him didn’t do anything so I had to get more creative.


My mom had bought me this toy dog that had some kind of motion sensor in its eyes that would trigger it to start barking. I thought maybe I could put it next to my door frame and when the dog sensed the door opening or his feet walking in, it would start barking and wake me up. I tried this that night and I was ready for a good night’s rest for once. But of course, it didn’t work. I honestly don’t know even to this day why it didn’t work unless it was because of the darkness? Not sure. Regardless, I woke up to him touching me that night and I just rolled over so he couldn’t reach me and cried after he walked out.


10 year old me wasn’t into spy stuff. I wasn’t that kind of kid. If I was, things probably would’ve gone a lot differently. Regardless, I didn’t give up. I knew I had to do something to keep him away from me. I tried simple things like sleeping on a different side of the bed, sleeping dead center, even sleeping on the floor; nothing deterred him. I thought maybe I could make a maze with a bunch of toys/books/pillows/etc. throughout my bedroom entrance that only I knew how to navigate. I figured that if he stepped on something (Ohhh if only I had Legos at this age…) I would hear him either break it or he could trip on it and fall which also would wake me up. But of course, I wasn’t exactly the smartest cookie. None of my mazes worked. I tried for weeks and NOTHING stopped this asshole.


Thankfully, it came to a pretty solid ‘end’ on my 11th birthday. My mom got me a bunk bed from a neighbor whose kid outgrew it. I remember being so excited because WOW I’M SLEEPING ON THE CEILING but also, Bruce was only about 5’8”… he wouldn’t be able to reach me anymore!

The first week having the bunkbed I distinctly remember hearing him come into my room and seeing his hand reaching over the railing. At first, I was terrified but then… I realized he couldn’t reach me! I was finally truly safe from him!! And I knew that he wasn’t going to climb up into the bed with me. He was too big to get into it and it would’ve woken me up so he wouldn’t have done that.


As I am sure some of you may be thinking, our story ends here. If only it was that easy… but in fact, things get much MUCH worse as time went on…


Rise Above,


Phoenix


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